i think

So no one told you life was gonna be this way.
Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s D.O.Astill in bed at ten and work began at eight,
You’ve burned your breakfast so far, things are going great,
Your mother warned you there’d be days like these,
But she didn’t tell when the world has brought you down to your knees.
always stuck in second gear,
When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year

You’re It’s like you’re

as i grow old,
my realizations about life become deeper,
problems get bigger,
situations become more complicated
and things get really messed up.

sometimes i wish i could go back
back to the time when the only man in my life was my dad,
my only bestfriend is my mom,
and any pain could be healed by just a bandaid and a lollipop.

If there’s a prize for rotten judgment I guess I’ve already won that.
No man is worth the aggravation. That’s ancient history, been there, done that!

Who d’ya think you’re kidding? He’s the Earth and heaven to you.
Try to keep it hidden, honey, we can see right through you.
Girl, you can’t conceal it we know how you feel and who you’re thinking of.

No chance, no way, I won’t say it, no, no.
You swoon, you sigh, why deny it, uh-oh?
It’s too cliche, I won’t say I’m in love.

I thought my heart had learned its lesson. It feels so good when you start out.
My head is screaming get a grip, girl, unless you’re dying to cry your heart out.

You keep on denying who you are and how you’re feeling
Baby, we’re not buying, hon, we saw you hit the ceiling
Face it like a grown-up. When you gonna own up that you got, got, got it bad.

No chance, now way, I won’t say it, no, no
Give up, give in, check the grin you’re in love
This scene won’t play, I won’t say I’m in love
You’re doin flips, read our lips, You’re in love

You’re way off base, I won’t say it
Get off my case, I won’t say it

Girl, don’t be proud, it’s okay you’re in love

At least out loud, I won’t say I’m in love

If you, if you could return
Don’t let it burn, don’t let it fade
I’m sure I’m not being rude
But it’s just your attitude
It’s tearing me apart
It’s ruining everything

And I swore, I swore I would be true
And honey so did you
So why were you holding her hand
Is that the way we stand

Were you lying all the time

Was it just a game to you

But I’m in so deep
You know I’m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger

Oh, I thought the world of you
I thought nothing could go wrong
But I was wrong, I was wrong
If you, if you could get by
Trying not to lie
Things wouldn’t be so confused
And I wouldn’t feel so used
But you always really knew
I just wanna be with you

Talo ako.
Naiinis ako sa sarili ko kasi talo na naman ako.

Sinasabi kong pinagbibigyan ko lang ang sarili ko kasi sandaling panahon na lang naman. Pagkatapos naman, totoong titigilan ko na. Pero hindi. Ako pa rin ang nasasaktan kahit “pinagbigyan” ko ang sarili ko.

Wala namang patutunguhan tong ginagawa ko, ewan ko bakit ginagawa ko pa rin. Hindi ko alam bakit pinili kong saktan ang sarili ko, pwede namang hindi.

Sinabi ko na dati pa, hindi ko dapat hinahayaan ang sarili kong makaramdam ng todo-todong damdamin sa isang tao dahil ako lang naman ang talo.

Oo, masaya. Oo, may kilig. Pero kaya bang tumbasan ng kilig na nararamdaman ko ang mga luhang bumubulwak sa mga mata ko?

Yung mga sinasabi niya, pinapasaya ako ng kapiraso, tapos pasasakitin naman ang loob ko ng todo-todo.

Masaya ako kapag kasama ko siya, kapag kausap ko siya. Pero doble ang lungkot kapag hindi ko siya nakikita at nakakausap, triple pag hindi ko nararamdaman ang kahit gatiting na pagnanais mula sa kanya na makita ako o makausap man lang. Talo ako sabi eh.

Eto nga o. Gustung-gusto kong batukan ang sarili ko. Dahil sa mga ginagawa ko. Dahil sa ginagawa sa akin ng nararamdaman ko. Dahil alam kong mas malakas ako kaysa sa nakikita ko ngayong ako. Dahil hindi ako naniniwalang may isang taong kayang magdikta ng kaligayahan o kalungkutan ng ninuman, lalo na ng kaligayahan ko. Pero ito mismo ang ginagawa niya sa akin. At hindi ko ito matanggap. Hindi ko matanggap na talo ako.

Hindi ko matanggap na nagkakaganito ako dahil lang sa isang tao. Na para bang nag-iinarte akong hindi ko mawari. Dahil ayoko sa mga taong mahilig sa drama. Sa mga taong umiiyak dahil sa isang tao lang. Nagagalit ako sa mga taong pakiramdam ko ay para ng umiikot ang mundo sa iisang tao lang.

Kaya nga ayoko sa sarili ko ngayon. Kaya nga galit ako sa sarili ko ngayon.

Dahil talo ako.

Talo. 

Talo.

Talo na naman ako.
Ano na nangyari sa self-control ko? sa paninidigan ko?
Ano na nangyari sa "hindi ko siya itetext o rereplyan" mantra ko??
Ano na nangyari sa "better off as friends" ko?
Ano na nangyayari sa akin?
Ano na?
Ano na??
ANNOOO NAAAA??????