i think

I don’t like what I am feeling. But I like it just the same.

I like that I am once again liking someone. That just the mere presence of a person makes me giddy and happy.

I like that hearing my phone beep gets me excited, hoping to receive a message from him. That hearing his voice and laughter makes me smile all over.

I like that I feel so special every time he looks at me with that winning smile of his, or when he says something really sweet, or when he does something really nice.

I like that he listens to what I have to say, and that he tells me things about himself.

I like that I am once again looking forward to stuff that involve him, and that when I am with him, I don’t want it to end.

But there are a lot of things that make me dislike what I am feeling.

I don’t like that I am distracted when I see him and when I don’t.

I don’t like the sight of me anxious to get a glimpse of him or hear his voice.

I don’t like the thought of him being nice to other girls the way he is to me.

I don’t like feeling insecure and uncertain of his feelings, towards me, and towards other girls.

I don’t like being jealous like hell.

I don’t like to be irrational because I am actually so rational.

I don’t like missing him when I don’t see or talk to him, and fighting the urge to contact him because I haven’t heard from him for like, two hours.

I don’t like the thought that what he’s feeling is way different from what I am feeling.

I don’t like what this feeling is making me think, say, do, and feel.

I don’t like not knowing for sure what I am feeling.

I don’t like the fact that there will always be someone whom he’s gonna come home to.

I don’t like that he’s leaving.

I DON’T LIKE WHAT I AM BECOMING.

I DON’T LIKE THIS.

thanks to the peeps who really fulfilled my wishlist!
i didn’t realize i would actually get ‘em, well okay, some of them.

anyhow, i got my time traveller’s wife, book of answers, mango bravo, and trip to the beach with friends!

now, i’ll always make lists! christmas, new year, valentine’s, heroes day! hahahah i am so overdoing it.

anyway, i’m still a li’l dizzy from the booze, so gotta go!

1. the time traveller’s wife (it’s a book, okay??) - thanks ayka, rain, and honeylet for the "surprise"
2. charm bracelet
3. conti’s mango bravo (yum! yum!) - thanksssss rainnnnn!!!!!! yum yum talaga!
4. beach sandals from VNC
5. umbrella (specifically the blue esprit one "borrowed" from me)
6. preppy body bag (yale, here i come!) - thank you myself. i finally bought one!
7. puppy!
8. trip out of town (preferably places with beaches) - best beach trip ever!!!!

9. book of answers (this is real!) - thanks fms/edd peeps (jullius, robby, edu, elgem, leo, randy, omar, bryan, dennis, noel. sorry if i forgot anyone) the book will always be available if you have questions haha
10. my friends back
11. my best friend back!
12. complete seasons of one tree hill and oc on dvd’s
13. lifetime supply of coffee - i so need espresso now!!!