i think

work has made me real old. i don’t wanna be old, or look old, or feel old. so i wanna quit work right. about. now.

but i can’t. or i could. just not permanently. duh!
’cause i have a lot of unnecessary expenses that taking them away could actually kill me.
okay, i haven’t heard of anyone dying because something unnecessary was taken away from her. i am so not normal.

but i cannot live on allowances! it will be like a slow death. plus, i am studying and i don’t know what i was thinking when i so adamantly convinced my parents that this is what i want. ’cause school pressure’s adding to the stress that makes me feel older than my real age.

but i love school. i love the air of being a student again. the air of not caring about anything but schoolwork. although schoolwork in graduate school is far from what i usually copy-paste from the net which my classmates then used to copy from my paper, too.

i don’t know what i want right now. shift in career in the same company? or a change in career and company altogether? take a short break from work? or go to a different place and start a career there? you know, an adventure.

and these questions, and the decision i have to make sooner or later, if i may add, add to the stress i am feeling. and i want to put a stop to it n-o-w.

The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.

–Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident
the art of losing’s not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

                                                – Elizabeth Bishop

– i’ll never get used to losing important people.. losing is something i am mastering involuntarily..

the latest book i’ve been poking my nose on is "in her shoes" by jennifer weiner. it was a last-minute-i-really-need-a-book-now kinda book which i believed to be worth my three hundred plus plus pesos. i thought it was just another the-devil-wears-prada made into a movie, which centers on fashion, and the elite, and other stuff that equal to shallow.

but it is not. i am only halfway through the book–and God knows how much i wanna stop typing right now and get back to reading it–and i already know that it’s more than the usual shopaholic craze. it’s a worthwhile read. feel-good and so much more. it talks about the real lives of a bland-looking Princeton graduate totally responsible girl and of a super skinny drop-dead gorgeous dyslexic (read: slow learner) party girl. and the title does not just talk about these sisters having the same shoe size, but about them living in each other’s shoes to help them really find themselves and resolve their differences.

it’s really a surprisingly good read and i am loving every minute of it. in fact, i am stopping this right now so i can get back to it.

but before i do–ugh!–let me quote a couple of statements from the book that are considered as wisdom for girls who rock!

"on failed relationships:
step 1: mourn for a month (2 weeks if the relationship hadn’t involved sex)
step 2: if you’d been dumped or cheated on, permit yourself one scandalous act of revenge
step 3: get over it. no regrets, no moping, no late-night drive-bys or dialing while drunk. just on to the next adventure."

okay, i am so reading now.